Dream 3: Suicide

Things that stick out:
Suicide
wanting to die
humiliation
loneliness
sadness

What I remember:
I am asked to join two other girls to sing on stage in front of everyone by Gretchen, or maybe Bill.

One of them is a cast member (Jane). She stands in the middle. I stand on the right side. Unknown stands on the left. We begin to sing. But I sound horrible. I cannot sing, am horrible out of tune. Everyone laughs. I scream at Gretchen/Bill. Why did they ask me to do this. THey know I can't sing. They have set me up, it was all a ploy to embarrass me.

I decide to kill myself. Because of the embarrassment? I don't know. But I make the decision.

From there on I don't remember anything. But two days later, in the dream. I am huddling under a bench in front of a school (maybe a church) it is wet and raining. I see my mom's car driving towards me.

I feel: relief, maybe? Anger, that, once again, I have failed to end my own life. As much as I wish I could. I can't.

Thoughts:
Terrified of change, afraid of leaving school and starting a job. Will I fail? I don't want to let anyone down. I don't want to be embarrassed. I don't want to be alone. I wish someone would save me. I wish it would all be over. I wish someone would come and find me.